{Hi, Mommy-reader-friend! You made it back for our “Moment for Mommy” Monday date! Thanks for taking a couple of minutes to visit my blog. I told you I would be here for you! Let me know when you’re finding time to read this, and don’t forget to take a deep breath and make it a special “gift” for yourself today! I hope it’s not the only breath or gift you get…pass it on to a friend!}
Today’s topic…
I first saw this quote painted on the wall of Mia’s Mexican Restaurant on Lemmon when I was a child, but it’s only in the last 5 years that I’ve figured out what it really means. I include it in my packet of inspirational Mommy quote stickers*, and my friend Kristie has this one on the mirror in her kids’ bathroom! In all my conversations about mothering last week, I would say that THE most important thing to remember is the importance of taking care of yourself as Mommy! You’ve heard this before, but still, several moms said they felt guilty for getting away, for making time for these events. I applauded them for giving that gift to themselves, told them to “let go of the guilt and let in the love” (another one of the quotes)! To be reassured (and to remind those around them – husbands, kids) that research shows that the most important factor determining a child’s own well-being is the well being of his/ her mother. If your basic needs are not being met (sleep, food, health, touch, love), then you simply can not be your best self or best parent.
Your main job as a mommy is NURTURER. You give, give, give, so your children can grow, grow, grow. Well, here’s a radical question: Who is nurturing YOU? Are you feeling nurtured in your own life? Is there someone who touches you in a loving way on a daily basis? Is there someone who accepts you just the way you are and loves you unconditionally like a mother loves a child? Is there someone you go to with your problems for guidance, for reassurance, for comfort? Do you have a shoulder to cry on? A listening ear and heart and face? Maybe for you, this person actually is your mom. Maybe it’s a friend. Maybe it’s a partner. Maybe it’s a mommy mentor, a therapist, or pastor. Maybe it’s a combination of people, including yourself! But chances are, you’re not getting enough nurturing in your life because you’re not asking for it. If you’re like I was a couple of years ago when I first faced this question at a conference, the very thought of someone nurturing me and my spirit brought me to tears because I needed it so badly, and had done without it for too long. If this is true for you, it’s time to reflect on how you can seek more out – not just for your own benefit, but so that you can be a better parent for your children.
*I sell a pack of 16 of these colorful, removable adhesive stickers for putting around your house, office, car (on your fridge, on your bathroom mirror, in your closet, on your computer, on your dashboard) – wherever you might need a little inspiration or reminder in your “Mommy” day. It comes with a packet explaining each quote, and how you can “use” it in your parenting, meditating, relationships, and beyond. E-mail me if you want me to send you a packet! Great gift for mommy friends, too!
- Tell someone your problem. Think of something, some one thing, that is causing you the most stress or displeasure in your life currently. Make sure you voice this to someone else, and make a plan for making it better…It always makes me feel better just to voice a concern, and this is a great thing to teach your children, too. (It took me 2 years to finally get the surgery I needed to get rid of some pin in my hip, and now that I am recovering, I am so excited to move beyond this problem…it meant taking time to call doctors, schedule appointments and childcare, etc.)
- Take one thing off your list. Just one thing off your list of things to do each day, or just this week, or this fall. Choose something that you don’t really want to do, that you don’t really like to do, that you don’t really have to do. Choose something that, upon removing, will allow you to breathe a sigh of relief or feel a loosening of your shoulder muscles. Do not let the guilt creep it. Own this act, do it out of love for your self! You are setting an example for your children and for the other overwhelmed moms around you. No explanation needed. YOU are in charge of how you use your time. “Just say, ‘NO’ to something.” (I’m taking “clean out the garage” off my list for the fall – it will still be there this spring!)
- Ask one person for help with something. Ask a friend to form a carpool with you. Ask a friend to double a recipe, and you’ll double one next week for her family. Ask a neighbor to pick something up at the store for you. Ask a child to take over one of the simple household chores. Ask your partner to take over a household task that you really disdain. Ask a parent to take on one day a month of babysitting. Ask your babysitter to stay an extra hour. (My parents are laughing right now because I ask them for much more, but am assured that they will tell me if I’m ever asking for TOO much.) This week I am accepting the gracious help of lots of friends who are bringing meals to me, and it feels great!
- Give yourself a little nurturing “gift” every day. Fix yourself a cup of hot tea in the afternoon (that’s what I like to do). Put on your favorite luxurious foot creme at night. Wear your favorite blouse. Call a favorite friend. Watch a favorite show. Ask a friend or a spouse for a shoulder rub. Go to bed 30 minutes early with a favorite book. Set your coffee maker for the next morning.
- Take a little break, and listen to a songto put this quote in your head (even better, put it into the heads of your family members, so you can light-heartedly sing it when necessary as a gentle reminder…) Then vote for your favorite!
Join me again next Monday for our “Moment for Mommy” time and topic together. (I’ll have more posts before then, too…you can follow “Mommy Manders” on Facebook or subscribe for free to get my posts e-mailed to you.
Love this post! Thank you Lowry, for your willingness to write from your experience and to pass on the wisdom!
Ah, thanks, friend!