Another way to say this would be, “As long as you show LOVE to your kids, all the little choices don’t really matter.” Don’t let other moms or books or self-doubt or society tell you that you’re ruining your kids by doing things your way. Hear them out if you want to, make informed decisions, but as long as LOVE is what guides you, then you are doing your job. Know your child, know yourself and your family, and trust your intuition. “Don’t stress, CONNECT!“ There is no one RIGHT WAY to be a mother, and none of us live up to society’s or our own “image” of what that perfect mother should be. Once we realize that, we can breathe a sigh of relief, and just enjoy being the kind of mother we want to be for our kids.
While there is no one way to do the job of mothering, there are LOTS of jobs we have in common as mothers. One exercise I like to do in my seminars is to have mothers look at a “Mommy Job Description”.Whether you’re working full-time, part-time, or are a SAHM, many of these jobs apply to you in varying degrees, though they vary with the ages of your children, and not ALL of them are necessary. Check the jobs that apply to your current “position”. (And, I’m sure you can think of more that fit your family.)
- comforter
- encourager
- listener
- teacher
- appointment maker
- social secretary
- masseus
- nurse
- chore-giver
- rule-maker/ rule-enforcer/ rule-bender
- personal chef
- dishwasher
- housekeeper
- dresser
- entertainer
- guardian of sleep
- homework helper
- craft-maker
- reader
- clown
- singer
- swinger
- chaser
- story-teller
- assistant “imaginarian”
- physical fitness coach
- bottom-wiper
- potty trainer
- diaper changer
- face-wiper
- hand-washer
- body-scrubber
- manicurist
- pedicurist
- wrangler
- shepherd
- reader
- moral compass
- model citizen
- personal secretary
- “Miss Manners” guide
- driver
- safety czar
- shopper
- family historian/ tradition keeper
Salary.com determined that the time mothers spend performing just 10 typical job functions would equate to an annual salary of $115,432 for a stay-at-home mom. Working moms ‘at-home’ salary is $63,472 in 2011; this is in addition to the salary they earn in the workplace. Now, chances are you are not getting paid for your job as “Mother”. But are you feeling valued for your hard work? What makes you feel valued? I know it’s not criticism or judgement. I know it’s not carpool lines or dirty dishes. I know it’s usually NOT YOUR KIDS!!! (My kids have been known to thank me with kicks and tantrums, upset milk and thrown pacifiers. But every now and then they say something like, “I love this Mommy!” or they gently stroke my face or light up when they see me.) But are you feeling appreciated and valued by your other family members? By your community? By your co-workers for your job as “Mommy”? Sometimes it can be just a word of affirmation or thanks. Sometimes just an acknowledgement of your hard work. Wouldn’t it be nice if your kids’ teacher said something like, “You did it, Mom! You got your child to school on time – way to go!” Or the grocery store cashier said, “Good job, Mom! You made it through the store with 3 kids and no screaming or aisle clean-ups! You must be doin’ somethin’ right!” The other morning in bed, I gave myself a pat on the back for not flipping off my son as he tapped my face and clicked his tongue in my ear as I tried to sleep in. (Not the first time I’d had to fight such an urge.) I know these small accomplishments don’t sound like much to the rest of the world, but their a big deal to us moms! We mothers really don’t need much to keep us motivated and in the game, but a little cheer-leading never hurt! Who cheers for you? Ask for a little more, even from your kids, and cheer for the moms in your life!!
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