1. Consider why you should give yourself a break this Mothers Day, and why you should feel proud to be a “Good Enough Mom“!
2. Reflect on your own job description, see if you’re being compensated fairly according to salary.com, and ask for praise and appreciation today and every day: “Good Job, Moms!”
3. Check in with you Mommy-self, and ask yourself and a friend some important questions. Get someone to listen to your answers. Moment for Mommy: Are You Surviving?
4. Do you share any of these physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual signs of being a mother? How are the signs changing as your children grow, and as you grow as a mother? “How I Know I’m a Mother”
5. What do you believe in as a mother? What do you believe your love can conquer, can overcome for yourself, your children, and your family? “A Mother’s Credo: I Believe in Love”

This morning, I heard a wonderful commentary by Scott Simon of NPR on Mothers, with a good lesson for all of us from his mom. (Read  or listen to the whole story: “Mom’s X-Ray Vision Also Sees the Best in Us”).

The eyes that mothers have in the back of their head see their children at all ages, all at once. It is the special vision of mothers, and I’ve never gotten a better bit of advice — about the news business, art or life — then when my mother would see someone panhandling on the street, or unshaven and mumbling on the subway, and tell me, “Remember: They were once a baby that a mother loved.”  That special vision makes mothers our advocates for life. Everyone should have one. 

I agree. Here’s to us, moms! And may we ALL – young and old, male and female, individuals and community – strive to be full of motherly spirit for those without among us…Happy Mother’s Day!

May Day is not commonly celebrated in the US, but kids love it, so let’s do it! Here are some fun ideas for celebrating and having fun together:

1. Make a May Pole…I just used stopped by the hardware store to get 6-feet of pbc pipe cut (like $2), added ribbons and fake flowers from the dollar store. You could also use a broom, and just tie on some wrapping ribbons or streamers you have at home. Your kids will have lots of fun helping with this project! I used mine yesterday at the May-Day outreach project I led for “Wee Volunteer” yesterday at a nursing home, and will use it at school today. Then we’re to stick it out in our front yard after school and see if any of the neighborhood kids wanna join us for a May Pole dance! (Make it simple: 4 steps in, 4 steps out, 8 steps around, and then the other way, swish the ribbon, turn under it, etc…)

1. 

   Our home-made May-pole!

2. Gather some fresh flowers for at centerpiece, for your hair, for a crown for the “May Queen” or “May King”. It is also traditional for kids to toss up flower petals to celebrate. I did it this morning in class with a box of fake flowers petals the Dollar Store gave me….We chanted “April showers bring May FLOWERS!” and tossed them into the air to be collected again!

3.  Be a “Flower Fairy!” Spread some spring cheer with this fun tradition: deliver flowers to your neighbors, grandparents, teachers, or friends….After you hang them on the door or set them on the porch, ring the doorbell and hide. Pop out if you like to say, “Happy May Day!” My friend Jann used to do this with her mother, and now she does it with her son, Taylor. So fun! My kids and I can’t wait to do it after school with the roses from our blossoming bushes in the backyard.  Yesterday I led an outreach project at a local nursing home where we made and handed out tissue paper flowers to residents. (Will save the leftovers for Cinco de Mayo!)

Giving away flowers, love, music, and cheer at Churchill Estates!

4. Celebrate spring with a Family Dance! Around your May Pole or just around a tree outside. How about “Ring Around the Rosie”? (Add this spoken change for added excitement and internal control exercise: Ring around you, ring around me, everybody jump up when I count to three…1, 2, 3!) Watch this fun video of kids dancing around a May Pole, and start practicing for next year! My kids loved this….watch the video

5. Turn on some traditional Gaelic or Irish music for a family jam session with Tupperware drums….or just music to do chores or have dinner by. Here’s some…Click to sample…

Here are some fun May-Day facts and Conversation starters for car-time, meal-time, or bedtime tonight:

• In medieval England, May Day was considered the time of ‘bringing in the May.’ Villagers would go out into forests and countrysides to gather greenery and flowers. This is also when the tradition of the maypole began. What is your favorite flower?
• May Day is a big holiday in the UK and is a bank holiday. Banks will close on the first Monday of May so that public celebrations can take place. What is your favorite holiday?
• Maypoles are poles made of wood that are of various sizes. They are decorated with long ribbons or streamers and flowers. In medieval England, villages would create rivalries over their maypoles to see who could create the biggest one. Maypoles are usually taken down after the celebrations but in some places they are kept up all year. What other kind of holiday decorations can you think of? Which one is your favorite?
• Maypole dancing is a form of folk dancing that has its participants dancing around the pole, weaving in and out with the streamers that are attached to it. There are actually several kinds of May Dances, and that varies by country. It’s still practiced today in many parts of the world, especially Scandinavian countries. What is your favorite kind of dance to do or watch? Can you think of any American dances?
• “April Showers bring May Flowers!” Some people have a tradition of giving gifts of flowers on May Day to surprise neighbors and loved ones. Has anyone ever given you flowers? Have you ever given flowers to anyone? Think of someone you would like to secretly give flowers to…

Dance Around the Maypole Song
In and out, in and out,
Weave the ribbons tight;
‘Round the Maypole we will dance
To the left and to the right.

more May day info. crafts, and lesson plan for kids

This week at school, I celebrated spring weather and “Earth Day” by holding music outside in a courtyard with the children…it was a nice change from my little window-less, music room with flourescent lights. It sort of felt like a vacation, sort of…(There was the child who stepped in and discovered the ant bed on the path, the piles of sticks which several boys turned into weapons, and the dog poop on MY shoe!) Still, it was a lovely setting to sing songs about nature, to listen to sounds and signs of God’s creation all around us, and to say “Thank You” to Dear Mother Earth for all her gifts!

I read a new favorite story-song book, introduced by a little music box that plays the same tune, “What a Wonderful World”. The book includes very colorful illustrations of children putting on a puppet show with the help of special musician friend Louis Armstrong himself. Each time we spotted Louis on a page, the children would say, “Hi Louis!” get info on the book

I read the book at the “Wee Volunteer” Earth Day outreach project at the Pebbles Apartments with some formerly homeless kiddos after we planted some flowers, and the kids learned to sing along to the refrain, “And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.” Just a good positive sentiment to have handy in your brain, don’t you think?

It’s just such a lovely way to teach a lovely song, and I’m happy to say that I’ve overheard my own kiddos singing it around the house this week. In fact, I heard Ellie singing it as she relaxed in the bath tub and MJ singing it as he fed and stared at the fish on Earth Day evening. I definitely needed that gift for my spirit after a long, hard day…Ellie had a tantrum that ruined our special snack date at White Rock Coffee, the backseat bickering escalated to a whole new level that nearly pushed me over the edge, MJ had difficulty not being in charge of the outreach project himself, Ellie’s flower pot broke and caused more tears,  MJ represented “Earth”  by coming out in his pj’s wearing Ellie’s blue and green bows in his hair, much to her dismay. “But it’s for the ocean and the land! I’m Earth!“As is the norm for my life with these 2 blessed little ones, our day together was full of scenes and messes made, lots of fussing, but also lots of SONG! Thank God for that.

This song stirs up warm feelings and memories for many of us, and I’m glad to pass it on to a new generation. I danced with my Gigidad to this song at my wedding reception in 2003, and then sang it to him as he lay dying 7 years later, so it certainly holds a special place in my heart. I found this great video of the song sung by Louis you could play for your kids as you watch images of our “wonderful world” – just GORGEOUS- Enjoy, and pas on your own thought and memories of this song to your children: watch the video

By now, you’ve seen this picture….you’ve read the words of dear Martin. Really, nothing more needs to be said, but his words do bear repeating, to honor his memory, to speak truth to power, to speak sense to a violent world.

“No More Hurting People! For me, that’s the voice of God speaking to us all. It’s the cry of the world’s children. It’s the message of Jesus and Buddha passed on to us down through the ages.

No More Hurting People! That should be our headline, our mantra, our communal wisdom, our theme song, our one topic, our goal, our public policy, our new bottom line.

No More Hurting People! Here’s the basis for a new foreign policy, for religion, for all politics from now on.”

John Dear, Huffington Post

What words of comfort can be offered in light of such a senseless tragedy, and all the other awful ones, like Sandy Hook?  The “Peaceable Kingdom”  text from Isaiah seems appropriate to me, as the spirit of little child Martin calls us to be peacemakers:

The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, 

the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. 

The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; 

and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. 

The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, 

and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder’s den. 

They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; 

for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.

This past Sunday, most churches following the lectionary, from Catholics to Lutherans and  7th-day Adventists, chose to focus on the 23rd Psalm, which just happened to be one of the scriptures for the week. It served as a psalm and prayer of comfort to many following such a tumultuous week through the “valley of the shadow of death and darkness”. People found strength and solidarity as they stood reciting it together, “The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want...” Some sat in pews, listening to beautiful settings by choirs and musicians, as tears rolled down. I got to sing it in my favorite hymn setting at Arapaho UMC, and I’ve been humming and singing it around the house and at school ever since, so that my children are starting to learn it, too. My favorite line is the last, and it makes me think of precious Martin, Boston’s beloved son, America’s child: “No more a stranger or a guest, but like a child at home.”

My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy’s sake,
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death,
Thy presence is my stay;
A word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head. 

The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise!
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

by Isaac Waats

Listen to “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need”. May it bring you comfort when you need it most. Or may it encourage you to slow down and think of Martin’s family who laid him to rest today, holding them in your heart. May it guide you as you pray for PEACE… an end to violence against God’s children everywhere. “No more hurting people. Peace.”

“When you pray, move your feet!” (Desmond Tutu): Take the Sandy Hook Promise, Donate to the Richard Family Fund

Re-Connecting with Nature and with Your Family

Talking Points and Family Ritual Ideas for Earth Day or any day:

1. Write a “Thank-You” Note to “Mother Earth”, get your whole family involved, and find out what everyone appreciates most about nature. A rainy day? The smell of honeysuckle? The sound of the wind? see mine, which was featured on mamapedia last year.
2. Go for a “Listening” Walk or even a 5 senses walk (careful with taste!)around your neighborhood, or even in your backyard. Every now and then, “STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN”…What do you see? What do you hear? (Ask your children, even your babies, and give them a chance to respond.) Can you observe in silence together for even a few seconds? Can you mimic the sounds? What are your favorite sounds from nature to hear? Are there any sounds that you don’t like? What do you think the creatures around you think about YOUR sounds? What do you smell? How does that feel? use my “Family Noticing Nature Walk”
3. Do some bird and bug watching together. Take along some binoculars, a notebook, some colored pencils – observe, take notes, come back together, and look up more info on the species you found in a reference book or online together.  Did you learn something new together? Anything that surprised you? Did you find that you noticed more because you were paying more attention?
4. Set up an easel, a table with play-do or water colors, and quietly get inspired and create together in nature.
5. Go for a “Blessing Nature” walk. In addition to observing, give thanks for what you see, hear, smell, and touch. Say, “Thank you God for this creek. May it keep flowing gently, and God Bless the creatures and plants that rely on it.” Read about my “Prayer Walk” in nature with MJ
6. Let your child start a collection: sticks, rocks, dried flowers, sea shells… Did you have any collections when you were young? Tell your child about them.
7.  “Tree-Hugger”: With your whole family or just by yourself: Hug a Tree. Study a Tree. Name a tree. Plant a tree. Picnic under a tree. Read under a tree. Take a nap under a tree. Talk about the biggest tree you’ve ever seen. Do you have a favorite tree? or kind of tree? Have you ever lost a tree that you loved?
8. Ask some “What if..” questions. What if you could be any animal – what would you want to be? Plant? What if you could live by the ocean or in the mountains – which would you choose? What if you could travel anywhere on the planet – where would you want to explore? Rain forest? Desert? Antarctica? the Deep Sea?
9. Protect your child’s “Green Hour“ each day – unstructured time outside to explore, play, discover, use hands and senses. (As recommended by the AAP for the healthy development of our children.) Share this hour with them, and feel refreshed each day! (Or at least once a week.)
10.  Consider adopting the phrase “In our family, we help the Earth.” Talk about how you plan to do this, what you’re already doing, what more you can do. Compost? Recycle? No more paper towels or plastic bags? Car-pool? Have “Turn off the Lights Tuesday”? Mother Earth gives us, well, EVERYTHING? Shouldn’t we be actively helping her each day?

I’ll be leading an “Earth Day” service project this afternoon for “Wee Volunteer“families and the formerly homeless families at the Pebbles Apartments here in Dallas. We will be planting flowers, enjoying nature-related music and movement outside in their courtyard together, celebrating our “home sweet home”!

MJ signing and saying bubbles in 2008

You have heard me say that my mission in all my work (teaching, writing, blogging, seminars, outreach) is helping to build and strengthen brain and family connections for the health and well-being of children and parents. One of the many child developmental tenets I feel passionately about for this very reason is “baby sign” (though I use it with young children, as well.) As a parent and teacher, I have witnessed the strong connections that signing makes between children and adults, and in little brains, and it is so fun and simple! I just love it! Come join me this Friday for a FREE signing “Play-date with PURPOSE!”  (for big sibs, too)

Top 10 Reasons to Sign with your Baby or Toddler:

1. Because a baby can sign “I love you” before they can say it! I remember fondly my babies signing “I Love you” from their cribs to me.
2. Signing strengthens the crucial parent-child bond through communication, understanding, and insight. And the whole family can be involved! MJ (at 2-4) continued signing when Ellie was a baby, and enjoyed helping with the communication. It was good for him, too!
3. Signing strengthens the language pathways of the brain and advances verbal verbal development. Research shows that children who have signed speak more and sooner. (But remember, all kids develop at their own pace, and usually boys are behind girls verbally.)
4. Signing strengthens fine motor skills, expressiveness, attention span, and empathy. In addition to all the finger/ hand/ and arm coordination, think of the the facial expressions that go along with “dirty” and “surprised”, the attentiveness to another person’s face – both greatly strengthening a child’s social development.
5. Signing increases self-awareness and self-esteem for the child as he or she is able to communicate feelings, thoughts, and desires. (To be seen and “heard”.) Whether it’s that your baby hears a bird, wants more cookies, or has an earache, think of the relief they must feel at being able to get their important messages across to you, the center of their universe!
6. For the same reasons, signing reduces frustration and upset (even tantrums) for a young child (and his parents). When your baby knows you know what he wants, he can more easily accept a “no” or see that you’re working on it….(My babies learned to sign “wait”!)  Not knowing is frustrating for EVERYONE!
7. Signing motivates the parent to continue teaching and talking, and to increase communication, because we see evidence that baby understands! When you’re putting out all this effort and energy to communicate with this little lump of clay before it even responds to you with a smile, it is SO encouraging to see her look at the “light” or “fan” when you sign it – it’s  BIG “aha”: She has a brain! She’s already making connections! It’s working! Otherwise, you might just ignore the poor kid.
8. Signing helps you to SLOW down and notice your surroundings with a baby…to become aware of what they notice through sight, sound, and touch, so that you can then offer further teaching and connection. MJ used to sign “listen” when he heard a sound, and draw my attention to it: “Oh, you hear the washing machine!”
9. Signing naturally fits into your daily routines, and pairs naturally with music and play; 3 elements that are key in healthy child development. And it’s fun!
10. Children are kinesthetic learners, and movement makes for stronger brain connections. Signing = smarter kids, bigger vocabulary.
11. (Bonus, I know) You can get your baby into the habit of using good manners before they can even speak. “Please” and “Thank You”

good resource with free online dictionary, babysignlangauge.com

Baby Signing Time

Do your kids know about the bombing tragedy in Boston? Did they see any of the disturbing news footage or hear descriptions of the terrifying scene? Did they hear about it or talk about it at school today? Mine did not, simply because they are young and I was careful to switch the radio from NPR to classical music when they came in the room, and not to watch any of the footage on TV until they were in bed. Because of their age (still not in elementary school), I am still intentional about protecting Ellie and MJ, 4 and 6, from these kind of news events, these kind of stories that are a sign of evil in our world….the Sandy Hook shootings, war in Afghanistan, even the “bad guy” who was raping women in our Lake Highlands neighborhood for a few weeks before finally being caught. I know I can’t protect them from the notion of “evil” forever, but since it has not touched our family or friends directly, why not extend their “age of innocence” as long as possible, especially as their little notions of trust and their place in this wonderful world are developing?  Their worldview will change expand to include concepts like “evil” and “violence”, “terror”, “war”, and “bomb” soon enough…any day now.

But if your kids DO know about it, what are you supposed to say? How can you talk honestly without scaring them too much? Their sense of security and the degree to which they are upset by such a tragedy has a lot to do with the way you react, the way you discuss it with them, and guide them in their response. Are you in a state of panic or are you going about your life as usual? Are you glued to the TV allowing every scary image into your head and brain or are you moving on while holding these families up in prayer? I heard some beautiful advice from the late Mr. Fred Rogers on the radio this morning. His loving and comforting voice spoke directly to my inner child, and I immediately teared up. His advice is so helpful for parents discussing any tragedy with children, evil or natural.

“When I was a little boy and something bad happened in the news, my mother would tell me to look for the helpers. ‘You’ll always find people helping’, she’d say. And I’ve found that that’s true. In fact, it’s one of the best thing about our wonderful world.” Fred Rogers, Listen to Mr. Rogers, and lovely music… (it’s about a minute into it…)

In his statement today, President Obama focused on the “good”, as well. He called us to focus on the “stories of heroism, kindness, generosity, and love: the exhausted runners who kept running to donate blood at the hospital, those who stayed to help the wounded, the first responders who ran into the chaos to save lives, the men and women who are treating the woudned, the medical students who came in to help, the priests who opened their churches and ministered to the hurt and fearful, and the  good people of Boston who opened their homes to the victims of this attack and those shaken by it, So if you want to know who we are, what America is, how we respond to evil, that’s it: selflessly, compassionately, unafraid.”

Share this with your children. Don’t focus on the horror and loss. Look together for the helpers, for the good, for the light, and the LOVE. Love is always stronger than hate. It always overcomes the evil. Remind your children that most people in the world are good, like these helpers. Remind children that most people can be trusted, that incidents like this are incredibly rare, and that they don’t need to be afraid. Let your child come up with an idea for how to respond as a helper, a peacemaker, in love and kindness. Send a picture? Write a note? Donate money? Say a prayer? Light a candle?

Here is some further advice from the American School Counselor Association for discussing crisis with children:

• Try and keep routines as normal as possible. Kids gain security from the predictability of routine, including attending school.
•  Limit exposure to television and the news.
• Be honest with kids and share with them as much information as they are developmentally able to handle.
•  Listen to kids’ fears and concerns.
•  Reassure kids that the world is a good place to be, but that there are people who do bad things.
•  Parents and adults need to first deal with and assess their own responses to crisis and stress.
• Rebuild and reaffirm attachments and relationships.

Read my post on the Sandy Hook Shooting, Today is the Day!

Lest you think I have the perfect life and family, lest you think I’m a perfect mother with the perfect children, lest you think I have the perfect marriage and perfect home life, let me unload a little… (And , by the way, where have you been? You must be new to my blog – WELCOME to my sometimes joyful, sometimes miserable, always messy and imperfect journey of parenting!)

I have found myself at a pretty nice stage along the journey. You know when you have a toddler and a newborn, and people tell you, “It gets better”? My kids are 6 and nearly 4 now, and it has been better for a while now. I’ve just recently realized it…better in that I’m able to take a shower and let the kids play together, better because I can get dinner on the table while the kids play outside, better because MJ can even turn on PBS kids by himself and let me take a nap. Better because I can take them out in public without constant fear of a meltdown, better because they can even give themselves a bath and get ready for bed (IF willing). And yes, better because I’m on medication! Remember that sense of being constantly NEEDED? Or maybe you’re still in it? That is exhausting! Needed for your boobs, needed to pick up and carry another human, needed to wipe poop off someone, needed to feed, clean, entertain, comfort, transport, rescue, intervene, on and on and on! It does get better – they get older and don’t need you as much, and you’ll have some moments to yourself again…moments of peace even when they are in the house!

This morning, I was experiencing one of these moments as I showered, getting ready for school. I’d already fed the children, read them a couple of fun poems for the day from our favorite funny poet, Shell Silverstein  (April is national poetry month), we’d marched around the house to WRR’s “March of the Day” (at 7:35), and I’d left them to do their own morning chores while I took care of mine. Recalling how one of the little kids in class yesterday had commented on my prickly legs, I decided I would finally take 5 minutes to shave and wear a skirt to school! Then I heard screaming – the familiar overly-dramatic screaming of little Miss Ellie (nearly 4) directed no doubt at her big brother (6) because of something he’d done to try to ruin her life. (Come to think of it, I heard MJ growling like a T-Rex – something I have had to repeatedly tell him NOT to do to his sister.) When you have older kids, you can usually ignore this kind of screaming like you wouldn’t with a toddler or baby. (You know they are most likely not in eminent danger – no blood, guts, or vomit. Just hurt egos, lost battles of will, and maybe a broken toy.)

You hope it might stop without you, but then some little hand opens the shower door and reports through tears and snot about some terrible injustice involving duct tape done to them, and you promise to make things right when you’re done IF they will just let you finish cleaning yourself in peace! You take a couple of extra minutes in the shower to try to get back to a “peaceful” state of mind, and to avoid your parental responsibilities as long as possible. Sometimes, like this morning, you get lucky – the stars are aligned – and the children work it out on their own! By some miracle, I found them working happily together on a bubble tape/ cardboard box ticket machine in the kitchen just a few minutes afterwards. Phew! I gave myself a metaphorical pat on the back for not rushing to intervene, and for letting them work out their own problems. I praised them, as well.

Then, feeling upbeat and like I could take on the world, we headed out the door for school. The children both said they would like to ride their scooters to school this morning instead of driving. We have done this before, but I usually pull Ellie in the wagon because it is a long walk, and much of it is uphill. I suggest this, but she insists that she wants to ride the scooter today, and that she will be fine. “Okay,” I respond, with that “I’m warning you/ If you say so” tone of voice….you know it. (And you see where this is going.) Not 5 minutes later, not 50 yards from the house, dramatic Ellie has collapsed in exhaustion on a neighbor’s lawn part-way up the hill (and just a small part, mind you). In retrospect, I should have turned around to get the car or wagon at this point, but we were already late, and she had said she would do it, gosh darn it! Despite MJ’s cheerful encouragement and Mommy’s mean threats, the rest of the walk turned into our own “trail of tears”, full of suffering and agony, blisters, curses, and unanswered prayers of supplication. (I’m allowed to make that inappropriate analogy because I have paternal ancestors who were on it.)

Commuters and joggers on the busy road either looked at us with half-smiles or half-ready to call the police, depending on which state of scream or cry they observed Ellie in. Okay, so I didn’t appear to be “Mom of the Year” when I walked ahead of the seemingly distraught and limp little girl on the sidewalk, ignoring her screams for me to carry her (something I just don’t and can’t do anymore). But in the end, this tactic is what got her to repeatedly stand up and catch up, holding on to my left hand, my right hand carrying her scooter and helmet, along with school lunches and bags. My left ear trying to listen to the beautiful spring song of the birds instead of her whining, my right mind wondering what I had been thinking…I knew better than to try this! I had hoped some friendly neighbor would stop and give us a ride, but seeing that we were on our own, I began singing to keep my sanity. Psalm 139 is my go-to (a setting from my youth choir days that is still etched in my heart and mind),

“Lord, you have searched me and known me…You know everything I do. When I rise up, when I lie down, you are with me through and through. Before a word is on my tongue, you know what I will say. Your presence follows me day by day. Search me, O God, and know me. Try me and know my heart. See if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.“

(Though my faith has evolved, I still find these words and this tune comforting, and I can name that “wicked part” in this moment – my desire to slap this little girl! And singing this song helps me NOT to do it. Can I get an “Amen”?) After many rounds of this fun “stop and go” power game, we arrived late for school, but alive (exponentially aged by the whole ordeal), and no longer feeling quite as upbeat as when we’d set off! I refused to apologize to Ellie for saying that I would not let her ride her scooter to school again (I know, I’m so unreasonable!), and she refused to apologize to me for being so difficult! Oh well. I held her quietly, we shared a cup of water, and she calmed down. I spoke to her the words that are becoming a sort of motto for our relationship, “I can handle whatever you do because I love you through and through!” She gave me a hug and kiss, we shared the “peace” rock with each other for a deep “calm” breath, then we started our day. (deep sigh) I’m realizing that certain things along this journey get better, get easier, but parenting will always be a wonderful challenge, and so will my little Ellie. How was your morning?

My kids love to attend ANY kind of birthday party – fancy princesses, McDonald’s play-ground, bounce houses and face painters, even Chuck E. Cheese, but in our own family we love to throw “home-made” birthday parties. It’s just become our tradition. Now by “home-made”, I don’t necessarily mean the cake (that part I often do out-source.) What I mean is backyard/ playroom, kid-centered, kid-decorated, kid (and Mommy) – planned, as simple and inexpensive as possible to celebrate kid birthdays. (And by “simple”, I don’t necessarily mean easy, but based on simple ideas!) This year, MJ had first talked about wanting a camping a party, but when we thought about how the sun wouldn’t be going down until after everyone’s bed-time (on the day before Easter Sunday), we decided we would save that idea for another year. He then decided he wanted to sell hand-painted Easter eggs for his b’day, inspired by a favorite Easter book we check out every year, “The Eater Egg Artists” by Adrienne Adams.

When I suggested that most people don’t sell things at their b’day parties, he insisted that he would be donating the money. After deciding that Heifer International chickens would be a good and related cause, the fun chicken and egg ideas started flowing! In addition to helping decorate eggs, there were lots of other fun and unique “chicken and egg” activities for the kiddos! We colored chick and egg pics to hand out to our “customers”, we did the chicken dance, we did an egg relay (with real eggs on spoons), we decorated our cupcakes (made from a box) with egg-shaped jelly beans, we hunted for eggs in the backyard, we played “Egg, egg, chicken” (instead of duck, duck, goose), we ate green eggs and ham, and we colored with egg-shaped sidewalk chalk. But it was the unplanned activity that was the most fun, the egg toss and throw! Nobody dropped their eggs in the relay, so since all the eggs survived, we donned garbage sacks and tried a toss. Many of them survived this, too, landing on the grass. So the kids had lots of fun pitching them for GareBear to hit with a bat! SPLAT! As we were sitting around enjoying ice cream on the deck in our messy clothes, one little boy said, “I love birthday parties because something always explodes!” Well, you can’t get a much better review than that from a 6-year-old boy! The party was definitely a success!

Trying a green hard-boiled egg!

Dustin helps with bubbles

Mom, thanks for the potato idea! MJ had fun putting them together.

Uh-oh, 1 dropped egg!

Egg, Egg, Chicken! (and you’re supposed to cluck and flap your wings)

GareBear swings for the egg!

…and SPLAT!

But perhaps the best part was the giving part, the lessons gained and values reinforced, not to mention the people we helped in honor of Michael James. It has been our tradition to collect items for charity in lieu of gifts at parties, but as we were making part preparations on Saturday morning (the day of), MJ asked, “Am I gonna get gifts at my party?” I had assumed he understood the concept when we planned the party, but I obviously should have been more direct about it, getting him on board sooner. After the initial protest and tears, he calmed down enough for us to talk about it, and I was so proud (and relieved) at what a quick convert he was to the idea! Of course, I reminded him that he would get gifts (and plenty of them) from his family later, and we ended up making a fun family trip to the toy store together where he had fun choosing a few gifts. (This may be a new tradition to follow up the charitable parties!)

We talked about how in our family, we already have enough, and we believe in sharing with others who don’t have enough. We also snuggled and took a look at the Heifer International Website, learning about the flocks of chicks that were going to be purchased in his name – where they would go, who they would go to, how they would help, the training they give to families, the way one gift like a flock of chicks can be passed on to benefit an entire village living in poverty. He could understand and see the picture of a little girl who could receive daily nourishment from a chicken’s egg.

This helped tremendously, and he became very interested in looking at the other animals that could be purchased from the gift catalog - a pair of rabbits, a whole cow or water buffalo, even a camel. His excitement and enthusiasm quickly spread to his friends as they arrived to help sell the eggs in the driveway. (The bullhorn also helped to motivate them! “Eggs for sale, eggs for sale!”)

Making a sale!

A few stopped by, but mostly it was the parents of the party-goers. While some of the kids initially thought that MJ would soon be raising dozens of chickens himself in our backyard, they soon understood the concept, and got on board. They were thrilled to give him their own money from their piggy banks! When the party was over, MJ and I counted the money, and discovered we had enough to buy 10 flocks of chicks! (at $20 each) He turned to Ellie and said, “Ellie, just think of how many people that is going to help!” My heart swelled, and then he began marching around the house chanting, “Donate, donate, donate!” That’s the philanthropic spirit I was looking for! Later that day, he asked if he could do a ‘refreshment” stand in the driveway – he wanted to start raising money for the big ticket item, the “ARK” ($5,000), which includes 2 of every kind! Someday…

Go ahead, take my idea! Get inspired – throw your own Animal Birthday party benefiting impoverished families around the world. Not only is it a “good thing”, it teaches cooperation, teamwork, perspective, helpfulness, leadership, gratefulness, and mindfulness. It makes us all stop and consider how we have what we have, whether it be food or clothes or opportunity.

Other ideas? We did a “Teddy Bear Picnic” party for MJ’s 2nd and collected new teddy bears for children in a local shelter, which MJ delivered with me. At last year’s dinosaur party, we collected dino books for needy kids. At Ellie’s cat party, we collected new stuffed animals for kids. Want your kid to get more gifts? Alternate giving and receiving years. (Ellie received gifts at her 2nd b’day because poor girl had never really had anything of her own before, and she needed to stock up a bit.) Ask your kids – you never know what great idea they’ll come up with!

Read more about our journey to being a family that gives together…“Giving and Getting”, “Wee Volunteer, Do You?”, “Looking Back on Giving Back” , Our First Family Good Deeds Week, Top 10 Reasons to Volunteer with your Children

]]> http://www.mommymanders.com/2013/04/05/which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg/feed/ 0 http://www.mommymanders.com/2013/04/02/happy-birthday-dear-mj-birthday-letter-6/ http://www.mommymanders.com/2013/04/02/happy-birthday-dear-mj-birthday-letter-6/#comments Tue, 02 Apr 2013 11:34:17 +0000 Lowry Manders http://www.mommymanders.com/?p=32028

Feliz Cumpleano at Mariano’s

Each year, my “intentional” gift for my children on their birthdays is a letter of love and reflection. My little “sunshine boy” turns 6 today, April 2nd, 2013!

A trip to the toy store over the weekend to choose some birthday gifts from Ellie, Mommy, and Daddy!

My Dearest 6-Year-Old!

You turn 6 today, and I am not feeling as nostalgic as usual this year. Perhaps it’s because I am enjoying you so much at this age. I am also realizing that some of the traits I have always feared might fade away as you become an older child seem to be sticking around: the way you love to snuggle with me and Daddy, your sweet smile given to us, and desire to be and play with us. Just yesterday you gave me a couple of “free” kisses out of the blue, and the other night when we were snuggling in your bed, you said you wanted to snuggle with me forever, that you’d never stop wanting to. I said, “Do you promise?”, and you enthusiastically said, “I promise, Mommy!” Well, we’ll see, but I’m feeling a little more secure that you’ll keep it up for a couple of more years, at least. It is such a special part of our relationship and day, often a “good thing” for both of us. (Okay, now I’m getting emotional…)

MJ and friends raised money for 9 flocks of chicks for impoverished families around the world by selling hand-painted easter eggs!

We celebrated this weekend with a fun “Easter Egg” party raising money for Heifer International chicks, and a family dinner out. Yesterday we had the day off from school, and I showed you and Ellie a video from when you were just a couple of months old. You were such an adorable, happy little baby, and I was such a happy Mommy, all my energy and attention going to you. My plate is a lot more full these days, but we still have lots of great moments together, and the truth is you just don’t need me as much anymore. But just yesterday, we made a trip to the store just the two of us, and it was a rare, wonderful treat – a “Mommy and Me date”! You told the nice cashier all about the astronomical gifts you chose (a glowing earth, and solar system for your room), and as we left, I told you how proud I am of you! It’s true. I remember telling you that a lot this year as you have left a lot of the fits and tantrums behind, and just become easier as you move into this “big kid” realm. I have told you that I like you a lot, that I think you’re such a cool kid, and I’m so glad you are my son!

You make a LOT of messes, but you have become so great at just entertaining yourself. Never short on ideas, you are always creating something: an entrepreneurial venture in the driveway, a new soup recipe for dinner, foil creations, a zip line, a cardboard house, or some kind of  invention!  I never thought our biggest expense in raising children would be duct tape, but you have even designed clothes out of it!  You have really blossomed in your Bridge Class at CCDC, and you are looking forward to Kindergarten next year. I will really miss going to school with you in the mornings, teaching you, and seeing you around during the day. That has been such a blessing to both of us! But you have proven yourself to be a confident, independent, smart, kind, caring, and helpful person – with a zest for life and learning, an eagerness to participate, a quick mind for solving problems and working together with others, and a loving heart – the best part.

This has been a difficult year for our family, especially for Mommy and Daddy, but I know you have felt the changes, too. Daddy started his Gyn/ Onc fellowship (4 years), and we have all had to adjust to his terrible schedule. We often go for days without seeing or speaking with him. But he always sleeps his few hours in the twin bed with you, and he sometimes cries because he misses you so much. You cry about it, too. And we are all looking forward to July when his schedule will get better for a while. Mommy is working a lot more, too – not getting enough one-on-one time with you or Ellie, but the three of us together have become very close, and make a pretty good team: doing the household chores, getting ready in the mornings, enjoying “Story, Snack, and Snuggle” after school, cooking together, having “family” pillow fights, snuggling and reading in Mommy’s bed at night. You are still an amazing big brother to Ellie – almost always kind and loving to her, even when she is not to you. (You threw those kind of fits when you were her age, too!) And the two of you have gotten to spend SO much time playing and being together this year, really becoming best friends through your play and imaginations. I remain so thankful that YOU are the precious son who was “born into our arms, into our lives bringing your light”*!

I love you to Ceres and back!

Your LUCKY Mommy

*from the lullaby I wrote for him as a newborn, watch a video of me singing him the lullaby (on vacation, trying to calm everyone down)

Birthday Letter #5

Birthday Letter #4

Birthday Letter #3

Birthday Letter #2

Birthday Letter #1

Letter to new Baby MJ